shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
