Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
