When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
