you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
