Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
