he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
