I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
