I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
