it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
