Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
