So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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