Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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