She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
