Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is classic penis vs brain.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
