You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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