You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
