so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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