How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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