How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
