I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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