I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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