one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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