I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
