You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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