So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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