let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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