3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
