We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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