'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
