Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
