overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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