apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
be right there i have to get my cape
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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