The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
