ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
