Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
