): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize