It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
