Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
