Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
