Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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