i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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