i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
