she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
