i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
