Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
