I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
