I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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