Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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