I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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