You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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