People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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