Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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