In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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