I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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