Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
