At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
