I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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