They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
