I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
