It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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