i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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