Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
