hotel room ftw
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
