if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
