my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
