what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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