Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
