You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
