there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
